updates on life, and things of the sort.

I haven't been sleeping well lately; yet it has nothing to do with pregnancy and everything to do with these pesky dreams I keep having. It's literally almost non-stop; all night, every night. It's always a different building but always the same scenario. I'm in a building for something -an appointment, work, whatever- and i have to go to the very top floor. I get on the elevator, ride all the way to the penultimate level (usually level 29, and I need to be at 30) and the elevator comes to a sudden halt, falls slightly to one side and drops about an inch. I'm usually not alone on the elevator either. So everyone, myself included, is looking around dumbfounded and scared. In my dream I can not only feel my anxiety, but the anxiety of every single person in that elevator with me, it's overwhelming. About that time the elevator falls another couple of inches and people begin to panic. We pry the doors open, but we're too far below level 29 that no one can escape. Right about then is when the free fall begins, i swear I'm falling for what feels like an eternity; falling in slow motion. In my head I'm just trying to figure out some way to NOT die.

That's when I usually wake up.

The other night I actually hit the bottom, but no body died. In that dream I remember I was going to the doctor for a check up so I got out of the elevator and started climbing the stairs, but i kept running in to dead ends and locked doors. Eventually i sat down in the stairwell and woke up.

When i wake up from these dreams I usually can't fall asleep again for quite a while, and when I do... they just start all over.

Anyway, on a happier note: Kathryn and I visited Watkinsville for the day on Saturday. I got to spend some much needed time with my Mom and her side of the family. Kathryn had a BLAST. She played with my mom most of the day and then ran around my Papa and Gran-Gran's front yard barefoot for about an hour (she doesn't go barefoot outside much, but i figured we were in the country and that's okay.) At one point she made every one take off their shoes and go barefoot in the front yard. It's nice to know that no matter where Bo and I end up living we'll have family close that love us and we love.

On another note; I'm SO ready to be done working. Figuring out the money is still scary, but other than that I'm at peace with losing my job; it truly is probably the best thing that could have happened. It forced me to open my eyes and decide what I wanted to do.

I kind of broke down yesterday on my way home from work while i was on the phone with Bo(like i said; figuring out money is scary and weighing on my mind quite heavily these days). I was telling Bo how terrible I felt that we weren't going to have money to give our kids the things they'll want and he reminded me of just another reason why I love him so much. He said "Melissa, don't you ever say that. Any one can spoil their kid. We spoil Kathryn every day, she gets a brand new toy every week, but at what expense? We hardly ever get to see her because we're always working. You're going to be giving our children the best gift of all. They'll get to spend every day with you and get your TIME." and he's right. Any one can spoil a kid the way they want to be spoiled, but not every one can love their kid the way they want to be loved.

I just have to remember that. It's difficult... VERY difficult. But I'm willing to sacrifice money for the wonderful memories I'm going to make with my children. They're not going to be babies forever, and eventually they'll not want to spend time with me. I should take advantage of that while I can. It's the best decision I've ever made.

I can't wait to be a stay at home mom.

My subconscious may be filled with fear, anxiety, confusion, anger and even a little sadness; but conscious me is choosing to humble, grateful, and happy for this gift I've been given.

Let's talk about Kathryn.

I've been so caught up in updating about new baby that I've neglected my favorite little lady on this blog. Kathryn Fay. Can I just say that every day i wake up and am completely amazed and baffled that Bo and I created someone so extremely beautiful, kind, and smart. I mean truly, she's amazing. I can't wait to be home with her all the time. My favorite thing to do these days it just speak with her... it's amazing how much her little brain knows and a mere 2 years and 9 months. The most exciting (yet, a little bitter sweet) thing she's accomplished lately? L's. The girl has her L's down pat. She used to say pway, siwwy, waugh, wove. Now it's play, silly, laugh, love. What they say is true... they grow up too fast.

Kathryn is also VERY into helping Mom and Dad in the kitchen now. If we're cooking, you better believe she's getting her red chair and helping us mix, stir, pour, measure... whatever. To be honest, it terrifies me because I'm so scared one day she'll meander in there while the stove is on and touch something she isn't supposed to (I did it when i was a kid). We've explained to her that the stove is OFF LIMITS and it WILL hurt her. Most 2 year olds would have to be told that a second time, Kathryn now just reminds us when we're near it that the oven is hot and it WILL hurt us... and tells us to be careful. I can tell you now, she did NOT get that from me. When I was a kid I threw caution to the wind and just did what was fun. She is C.A.R.E.F.U.L. about EVERYTHING. She won't go down steps she'd never been down before with out holding your hand. She won't walk on a sidewalk or in a parking lot with out you re-assuring her that you're right next to her and won't let anything happen to her (and even then she's too worried about the cars that half way there she's begging to be picked up).

She has also recently learned to hold her nose and put her face underwater, but this took a LOT of coaxing and bribery. (it all goes back to the careful gene) She is scared that water will get up her nose or something bad will happen. She'll only stick her head underwater for a brief second, but she's doing it, so we're that much closer to learning to swim.

What else... Oh, she's known her alphabet for a while, but now she knows it by LOOKING at it, and she knows it out of order. She can look at a word and spell it out loud. It makes me proud. So we're that much closer to reading.

Kathryn also, apparently, learned how to create photo albums in my facebook from my iPhone. Wow.

It truly amazes me how quickly kids pick up on technology (I'm going to stop that paragraph right there before I end up sounding like a 90 year old woman.)

Anyhow, I guess I should get back to work, for now.

Thanks for reading!

my doctor scolded me yesterday...

apparently, losing 3 pounds since you've found out your pregnant will get you very scolded by your doctor.

I don't know how else to say this... I'M EATING! I SWEAR!

My first doctor visit I weighed 146. My second doctor visit I weighed 144.5, oops. Yesterday I weighed 143, uh oh.

I don't really know what to do. I eat, quite a lot actually. It's just that before i was pregnant i ate fast food for pretty much every meal. Now I can't stomach it. Every once in a while I get a craving for a Big Mac or a Double Cheeseburger, but mainly I want foods that aren't greasy.

I have never had a doctor tell me that i MUST start eating some pure unadulterated FAT before, until yesterday. Just the sound of that sentence makes me queasy. BUT... I'm trying. I was able to stomach half a Big Mac yesterday and some french fries. So today, I'll eat something I'll actually enjoy like mashed potatoes and green beans, oooh... or some soup. That sounds good.

In other news I'll be going on May 28th @ 4:15pm to have my sonogram done. Hopefully then we'll find out the sex of the baby! I'm VERY excited. With Kathryn I had this GUT feeling that I was having a girl, i just felt it in my bones... and I was right. This go round; I got nothing. I'm just blank. Which makes me think maybe it's a boy?

Boys scare me. For a while I thought I wanted a boy, but girls are just SO easy. Kathryn is just so EASY. I know NOTHING about boys. Nothing I tell you. Only that when they're older they'll be chasing my daughter and i don't like that. At this point I'll just be happy with a healthy baby.

I'm going to go ahead and put it out there that I'm 99.99% sure this is my last kid. I just think 2 is enough... and i really don't want kids after 30 so I'm just going to stop now. I'll do a temporary fix for now and if i haven't changed my mind in 4 years, I'll get a permanent fix.

Anyway, I'll update more when there is more to update about.

OH... we got a dog. His name is Diesel. This is him. He's great. Kathryn loves him.

an update on life.

Life is taking quite an interesting turn... quite interesting indeed.

I found out last week that after this month (give or take a few weeks) I'll be unemployed. My company is WAY downsizing. At first I was terrified...seeing how I'm pregnant and already have one kid, but the more I thought on it. This truly is God's answer to my prayers. It is in NO way the answer I was expecting, but an answer all the same.
See, Bo and I have been worried sick and racking our brains trying to figure out what to do about child care once the little peanut is born. Bo's grandmother is GREAT with Kathryn, but she's 74 years old and, as she puts it, retired from newborns. I have nothing against day care, except that it costs ridiculous amounts of money for 1 kid, let alone two.

So... with that being said, starting whenever my current job tells me to get packin' I'm going to be a stay at home Mom for a while. We're scaling WAAAAY back on our bills and living on a budget. I'm excited about this. I truly truly am.

In other news, I am going to the doctor tomorrow for a check up on little peanut. They're doing a "quad-screening". I have NOT an idea what that means, but I do know that after that they're scheduling me for a sonogram to find out the sex of the baby. VERY EXCITED! I've already started thinking of names, but nothing definite yet.

I'll let you know how it goes.

LOVE.