Remodeled religion?

I grew up in church. Almost literally. A majority of my childhood was spent in the walls of a church. I'm thankful for that. It instilled morals in me that I wouldn't have had otherwise (although I'm sure some people wouldn't believe that about me.) Around the year 2000, for one reason or another, I stopped going to church. Since then I've done some things I'm not proud of. I've also done some things I am extremely proud of. The thing is (and correct me if I'm wrong) as a child you go to church and your taught the difference between right and wrong; the difference between what is Godly and ungodly. You're taught to live your life in a way that you won't be afraid to answer to one day when you're called to heaven. But when you're a child you have very few opportunities to exercise these teachings because, for the most part, all children are good. Sure, they steal a cookie from the cookie jar, or push Timmy down on the playground, and learning that this is wrong is important. But later in life, when you're a teenager and you're faced with the REAL world; that's when these morals are really put to the test. I'd be lying if I said I've always kept my morals in the front of my mind and never done anything ungodly. I drank underage, I dabbled in a few drugs, and I was not a virgin until I was married... I even (wait for it...) had children out of wedlock. BUT, though the morals weren't FRONT AND CENTER, they were there. Even when I was doing things I knew I shouldn't be my morals kept me from taking it too far. I could have done a LOT worse for myself in my (excuse my french) hell raising years.

The thing is, now I'm "grown up" and I have kids of my own. I want those morals instilled in them. I think it's important that my children are given the opportunities I was as a child. I think it's important that we go to church as a family. It's important that they're taught the word of God better than I can teach them. It's important that they make friends who believe the same things they do and have the same moral code they're being taught. I've been looking and looking for a church to "try out" but I keep running in to the same problem everywhere I look. In the years I've been absent from the "church scene" it seems that religion has been remodeled.

When did it stop being cool to go to church and sing a hymn from the hymnal? When did rock bands find their way in to Sunday morning service? What's wrong with putting on a dress on Sunday morning and going to church and singing Ode to Joy, or Amazing Grace?  I know this shouldn't bother me. I know that it really isn't such a big deal. I'd probably get over it if I would just visit. I just don't understand. What happened to a church with a steeple? All of the churches that are teaching the word of God they way I'd like my children to hear it seem to be afraid to be too religious? It's weird? Isn't it? These (what do you call them?) "new age" churches are teaching the word of God and that's good, but it seems like they're not holding any one to the standards God sets forth? It's like "God says no one is perfect, so you don't have to try to be". Forgive me but it seems the point is to try to be more Christ like, correct? Am I just wrong? Probably;  I am. I'll have to kiss a few frogs before I keep judging these churches. They're probably perfectly great. I'm just having a hard time with this remodeled religion... that's all. I just want to find a church somewhere in between Old School and New School. Do those exist?

Goodbye

My great grandmother passed away yesterday. She was 97 years old and every bit as ready to go as we, who loved her, were ready to keep her. 97 is a long time to walk the earth. 27 years is a long time to be able to say one has a great grandmother. i was able to say i had a great grandfather until i was 24. I've been lucky. I've been exceptionally lucky. Not only did I have great grandparents, i KNEW them. I LOVED them. They were wonderful people. Any one that knew them, knows that they lived long fulfilling happy lives. Both Daddy Bill and Nanny did not have "quick" passings. Their bodies weakened over time until they finally couldn't fight anymore. It was no surprise yesterday when my mom called to tell me Nanny had gone home to be with Daddy Bill. I know she's no longer in pain, I know she is a trillion times happier now than she was yesterday. She's probably a trillion times happier now than she was at her happiest moment on earth. Why shouldn't she be? She's in heaven. She's back with Daddy Bill. 

I know I'm allowed to mourn her death. So why do I feel silly being so sad? I'd prepared myself for this. I guess all the preparation in the world is worth a hill of beans when your loved one is actually gone. I just keep thinking about their home... empty. All of the Christmas Eves spent there (my favorite memories), singing Christmas songs, eating home made fudge, sitting by the wood burning stove and feeling at home with such a loving family. I'll never be in that room with either of them again. That is hard to swallow. It's easy enough to accept, but hard as hell to swallow.

 I wish my children and my husband could have known the both of them. Not MET them but KNOWN them. They were exceptional people. They were hard working, god fearing, family loving people. People today just aren't wired the way they were. Married so young and madly in love until their deaths. Whether I've ever known it before now or not, they GREATLY influenced my life. Looking at them, so madly in love, i unconsciously decided to NEVER settle for less than that.They convinced that marriage is NOT a temporary thing. Through good and bad, marriage is worth the work it takes. They taught me that. 

I'm really going to miss her. I really miss him. 

Rest in peace my GREAT grandparents. I'll forever love you Daddy Bill and Nanny.