Since I've become a mother I've noticed a reoccurring theme in my thought patterns. Every few weeks I start REALLY doubting my ability as a mother. Of course I have my daily trials, but every few weeks I just dwell on the fact that I feel like I'm not living up to my mothering potential. I try my best to keep a cool head and be present with my children. I make sure that almost daily we play games, learn things, experiment, have important conversations and just make life fun. Above all else I make sure that I tell my children how much I love them and how proud I am of them every opportunity I get. How can that not seem enough? Every time I lose my temper and raise my voice, I beat myself up over it. When my children don't listen to me, when they throw a fit, when they have an attitude (yes, even my 1 and a half year old) I feel like it's MY fault. Is it because I don't have a network of mothers with kids my kids age to share horror stories with? Is it because (even if i did have that network) most mothers wouldn't dare share the horror stories in fear of seeming inadequate in others eyes? Or it it, in fact, that I am actually doing something wrong?
I know that parenting doesn't come with a manual. I know that every Jane, Jill, and Sally will tell you a different way to teach, punish and rear your children and that all of those methods worked for them but may not work for you. It is extremely frustrating. My husband tells me all the time how wonderful of a mother I am and how much he loves me for that... How can I believe that he believes that but not believe what he is saying? Am I overly hard on myself or is this something all mothers do? Does my worrying this much about it make me a good mother or just a crazy one?
It's so easy to look in on other peoples "surfaces" and think that they're doing a better job parenting than I am because when it comes down to the nitty gritty I really know jack about their lives, but it's easy to start comparing myself to the "them" I think I know and I just make myself feel horrible. I need to start working on this. I need to start finding ways to make myself believe I am doing an alright job. But how?
You are an amazing mother!!! On Sunday when you were at the house with the kids and Kat was trying to get your attention--she says "momma, Momma, Momma" she stops and waits for you to finish and then says "Mother, I have two things I need to discuss with you" You say yes Kat" she says "1- when are we leaving for the egg hunt" You replied, "as soon as we get your brothers shoes on" Debbie then says Katherine what is your 2nd thing and she says "oh, can I get on the big rock before we leave?"
ReplyDeleteMy point here is, all week Melissa, I have told and retold this story of how a 4 year old hs such AMAZING verbal and logical skills!
This my sweet Lucy is the result of an AMAZING mother!!! I know you doubt yourself, we all do but you are truly amazing and I for once BOW DEEPLY to you!!!
I love you!!! <3!